I don’t know if you have ever felt like this, but it is a thing of living alone. Living alone is cool. Many people have craved for it, especially if you are young or teenage. It is true that there is a lot of freedom out there. No one cares where you go or what you do as long as you don’t let your parents know. Your parents are so annoying, aren’t they? But, when you have to live by yourself for real, you will start missing especially when you are sick. When you are unwell, no one gives a shit about how you feel. Not even your boyfriend. Well, he does the best in his part though (by telling you that, “things will be alright” or “get well soon, baby”). You know it is not what you want. You want someone to take care of you. If you are Asian like me, you perhaps want to have someone to cook a bowl of porridge for you so that you can have medicine. Someone who pours a glass of water for you whenever you wake up from the fever cause he/ she knows you will be thirsty. Well, no one has done this to me so far. I myself do have a dream to take care of my partner like the whole thing I just said. I would be happy to cook a healthy meal that can be digested easily for him/ her. I would read a book and stay right by his/ her side to make sure that he/ she is ok. To make sure that he/ she feels that he/ she is not alone. Everything is too idealistic. Why do I rant about this now? Probably because I am sick? I would rather do something more productive, but my muscles are tiring and aching. I have gotten sick really often since I have lived alone in my tiny apartment. I think it is because of unhealthy food and lacking of working out. Don’t have enough sleep, Be stressed most of the time worrying about studies and works. Someone said that maybe our planet earth was the hell. People have suffered even though we are still alive. I think it is true. Maybe our earth is the hell already. Maybe that is a reason why we have to struggle to live in our own ways.
I feel like my life is fucked up. I really wanna start my new life somewhere … somewhere far away … somewhere that I know no one
I haven’t written about what has been going on in my life for A BIG WHILE. The first semester started for a week now. I went to the uni to meet my supervisor. We talked about my MA thesis. I need to change a new topic for my thesis. It is okay though. I mean I still have time (though the time is limited). Better invest the time with a practical thesis topic than sticking with a same old and trivial topic. Apart from that, I will soon start to work as a teaching assistant at my department. I got a blank schedule to fill up time I can work. I still haven’t filled in up. I gotta work 10 hours a week. I aim to be at the uni like (ideally) 3 days a week. I can figure out how I can divide my working hours properly (I am incredibly poor at math). I haven’t gone to swim as often as I did. I kind of miss being under the water.
I don’t know what else to write though. I just hope that my life could be more exciting. I really wish to be surrounded by fun people. Finger crossed :D!
By the way, I got a pet hedgehog cause living alone in Bangkok is quite lonely. I thought having a pet would be a great idea, but hedgehogs sleep like a whole day hahaha. I named my hedgehog Julie. She hates me so much cause she always hisses and makes herself into a spiky ball whenever I try to hold her. Well, even though she isn’t tamed, it doesn’t matter. I got her. I have to take care of her well :) I’m gonna end my rant here. Those who are reading … I hope you have a great day!